How divorce plays with our emotions

How divorce plays with our emotions

Date
19 Mar 2019
Divorce and separation can bring about many mixed emotions, akin to those experienced by grievers and as such should not be taken lightly.  Change is never easy to adapt to, especially with little ones in the mix.  You may also be conscious of other people’s feelings and reactions and be worried about disappointing others. 
 
Negotiating your parenting plan and settlement is extremely hard and then there’s moving forward with your new life even once the divorce is final.  So, it is completely normal to experience a rollercoaster of emotions including anger, frustration, despair, guilt, fear and loneliness to name but a few. 
Painful as they are, these sorts of emotions are completely natural. Here our Family Law experts, Dianne and Kate, share their advice for things to watch out for and some helpful tips to see you through.
 
Things to think about:
  1. Don’t bottle your emotions up.  Find a healthy way for this to unfold and give yourself time; plenty of time.   Avoid setting goals or time limits on this and be realistic about the process.  Lean on trusted friends and family for support through the process; they will tell you the truth when you need to hear some stern words to help you move forward.
  2. All these emotions may have an impact on your health too, sometimes causing a lack of appetite, exhaustion, stress related symptoms such as Psoriasis or IBS, and potentially an increase in your weekly consumption of your favourite tipple.  Whilst you may be okay in the short term, it might be wise to check in with your GP if the problems persist and get a little help to keep things in check.
  3. Your work may be affected by your emotions and this can change week to week.   Ensure your employers and colleagues know what is going on with you so they can support you, and don’t be afraid to use your holiday to take extra time off to give yourself space to sort things out in your head.  
 Suggestions to help:
  1. Reading can be very supportive and completely on tap, even when you are out and about.   We can recommend After the Split by Danielle Barbereau.   Writing is also very cathartic, even if you don’t share and publish it, have a notepad and pen to hand to help organise your thoughts.
  2. Have some distractions for when you have some time alone such as finding a new hobby you have always wanted to do, or going back to an old one you miss, giving yourself some essential ‘me’ time.   Whether that’s exercise aiding your endorphins to leave you energised and happy, or something more calming to relieve stress; having something for yourself can bring contentness.   If you know you have a chunk of time free, such as when the kids go to your ex, then it could be good to have something like this to fall back on instead of all your time with jobs.
  3. Keep off social media and opt for human interaction instead.   When you might not be thinking clearly, images and copy can be misconstrued or might fuel a negative reaction you don’t need.
  4. You may wish to consult a Divorce Coach.  Their aim is to emotionally support you through the process and lots of our clients have found coaching invaluable at this time .  If you would like some recommendations, please get in touch and we can share some contacts with you.
The fear of divorce puts many couples off either the legal process and, in some cases, even splitting up.  But once done remember these wise words from author, Mitch Albom, "All endings are also beginnings.  We just don't know it at the time".
 
 
To talk to Dianne  and Kate about your separation and divorce, please call or email.
Dianne T 01937 547003 E dianne@hartlaw.co.uk
Kate T 01937 547037. E kate@hartlaw.co.uk